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Summer Simmer: The Crock Pot

Hello, Dear Readers:

Well, I’m back for a bit. The copywriting training went well, and I’ve been quite busy working on my marketing materials–and getting a little brain freeze occasionally. No, Blue Bell ice cream is completely unavailable, and I don’t want any other kind. Soon the “great ice cream listeria hysteria” will be over and Blue Bell will be in stores again. No, it’s been the writing and constructing of things I’ve needed for a long time. I have a better understanding of it, but it’s a bit slow going. There will be an email to the coach/instructor soon, if for no other reason than clarification of a few things.

One idea borrowed from my copywriting website is a page for my writing samples. I realized one night that I could start a recipe section on this website, and I have. At the top of the page, you’ll see a link to recipes, (you can click on the link too)  where my favorites old and new will be available as PDF files. I even created a logo that I think I’m going to use on the recipes and maybe elsewhere on the site. I’m not a designer, so that’s a “C priority” right now. But there are currently four recipes there, one from this post, and more will be added as I can.

While the rest of the country says “spring,” the 80-degree days are here, so we’re pretty much back into running our air conditioners 24/7 except for the recent spate of cool fronts that have come through. I’ve been wearing shorts for some time now, and even with the breezes we get, it’s still warm. Neighbor K’s adorable Daft Pug isn’t interested in the long walks anymore, but he’s good about. . .well, going outside for a sunshine break.

The HeatCageKitchen garden is roaring along–I’m getting tomatoes! I now have only three Meyer lemons growing, after one dropped off during the rainstorm this morning. . Mint, pesto, onions, parsley, cilantro–they’re all getting bigger, and so is the Anaheim chili pepper plant. Oh, and I’ve re-done the ‘re-grow your lettuce” experiment; it’s working this time, but I should plant one or two more lettuce cuttings. More on the garden soon.

Neighbor J upstairs has gotten into the habit of giving me the Sunday paper when he’s done with it, mostly for the coupons. He keeps the sports section, so naturally, I’m not complaining. He’s also the neighbor who has generously given me some venison and some raw honey on occasion. I need to bake him some muffins or a cake soon, as well as a couple that live in a different building. They generously planted some free landscape things in front of our little enclave; someone else dug up the free plants. Neighbor K and I keep saying we’d get around to it, but this sudden gift happened on Good Friday.

Remember: gifts do not always come wrapped up at Christmas. Ask anyone who’s received something handmade from me, like The E Man and friend of the blog KJ, both in New Orleans, who each received a package of handmade items recently; KJ didn’t know it was coming.

Speaking of The E Man, I recently helped him find Trader Joe’s in Baton Rouge. He happened to call me a couple of weeks ago and mentioned that he was in Baton Rouge, and I said, “Are you going to Trader Joe’s?” No, but he wanted to, so I employed a strategy I’ve used before: faith, hope, and Google Maps. He took a casual ride up Perkins road, saw lots of newly constructed housing and was amazed. It only took about 15 minutes or so, and he had to take another call. When I called back he was in the store and found the coffee samples. I may have created a monster.

Now, speaking of warmer weather, if you’re one of those people who has a taste for iced coffee, take heart. Nick Usborne at Coffee Detective has you covered. Nick just posted a tutorial on making iced coffee at home–and it couldn’t be simpler! I’ve been making it one cup at a time, and when I put almond milk in it, well, the milk curdles. No more. I first started drinking iced coffee when it was just hot in the Boeing building, and I poured my fresh coffee in a glass of ice and have loved it ever since. Check out Nick’s tutorial and start making your own. I did, using some decaf Community coffee last night.

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I just used the big French Press. Twice. Made it a little stronger than I should have; but since this was the first time, I’ll be able to do better next time.

If you have the room, and I don’t, you can also make coffee as you normally would and make coffee ice cubes so your drink isn’t diluted. Maybe in the country house.

Anyway, into the pitcher it goes for whenever I want some.

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If you go to a coffee shop, you will pay good money for iced coffee. Since Starbucks uses some kind of sugar-heavy mix, when I ask for a decaf iced coffee, they make it fresh for me. I don’t do that often, honest.

Sweet, cold, delicious iced coffee. Nothing like it, and made at home.

Sweet, cold, delicious iced coffee. Nothing like it, and made at home.  And I’ll have it for a few days. Thanks, Nick!

Now, I’ve written before about the wonders of the Crock Pot. Do you have one? Do you use it? Seriously, do you? Well, you should. If you don’t, go get one. But before you do, let me tell you what you can find. Well, let me tell you how I found out about all this.

I first started using one when I lived with the GER. When we weren’t getting along and I was planning to move, I stopped at Big Lots one day after a Buddhist meeting (I didn’t want to go home, basically) and found that they had white Crock Pots for $19.99 each. (This was 2004.) I bought a big round 6-quart and a smaller, oval 4-quart. I used both of them regularly, but slacked off a bit in recent years (I’ve been busy.)

One of the biggest draws is that the 110v Crock Pot doesn’t heat up the entire kitchen like your 220v stove will. Put food in it in the morning, and it’s ready to eat when you get home, no extra cooking, baking, or anything. So. . .with summer on its way, dust yours off, read the instruction manual and get started.

Continuing The Karma of Spare Parts, (oh, you have no idea) I haven’t used either of my Crock Pots in a while because a) the 6-quart needed a new knob to replace the melted and cracked one that didn’t work well, and the 4-quart oval needed a new lid after the old one lost the handle. I just got sick of waiting. Finally. . .I got on Crock Pot’s website and ordered them, darnit!

They arrived Easter Saturday, and I was SO happy. . .I had a piece of pork ribs I was going to drown in BBQ sauce, and I was going to make a breakfast, too, all on Easter Sunday. I figured the ribs would fit in the 4-quart one. Nope–change gears. Pulling the 6-quart out of the cabinet and transferring the meat, I moved the 4 quart to the other side of the kitchen. The plug caught in my apron somehow, I felt the pull when I moved, and before I could stop it, the next thing I heard was. . . .CRASH.

The 4-quart oval stoneware piece was in pieces, although the brand new lid and heating unit were fine. Oh, this was a big problem. I had to go out anyway, and one place I did go was Wal-Mart to, ah, “rent” another Crock Pot until I could get a new stoneware insert for the 4-quart. (Returned it a week later.) Meantime, I had a schedule and I had to get on with it. The day was saved, and the next day, I was cruising through a cookbook and found a chocolate custard recipe to make.

The next day I called Crock Pot and asked if they might have any white ones, but no, all they have now is black. That’s OK. I also needed to make sure I had the right one, and I did. The new stoneware arrived a few days later, and all was back to normal, more or less.

The Crock Pot started out as a bean cooker back in the 1970’s, and I’ve actually used it for garbanzo beans recently; that’s the subject of an upcoming post. But it didn’t take long for people to figure out that inexpensive cuts of meat cook up really nice and tender in it. Whole meals can be made in them, if you like (and if you have a small family.)

I clicked around Crock Pot’s official site, and I found a number of interesting things, including recipes, travel gear for Crock Pots, and something I wish I had when I was working–a Crock Pot for lunch! It’s small enough to tote around and carries just enough for lunch. You just plug it in at your desk and your lunch is nice and hot whenever you get to it. No waiting for a microwave that may not be sanitary, or leaving your lunch in the community fridge where someone might mistake it for theirs (or worse, mess with it.)  Awesome, and I wish I’d known about these a long time ago.

Now, the technology side comes out when I see the WeMo web-enabled Crock Pot. If you’ve never heard the term “The Internet of Things,” well, it means stuff that we use every day that is (or will be) *Internet-connected. While the smartphone is an obvious example, this is a definite contender. You download a free app for your smartphone, and you can turn the temp up or down, or turn the thing off by way of your phone. Great idea for people on the go, but it begs one question:

Do you really want your dinner hooked up to your WiFi?

Look, I’m kind of tech-savvy, especially after being in IT for 8 years. I’m so glad I have an iPhone (even if it is a 4.) The iPhone does, shall we say, butter many parsnips, and it’s a great help in a lot of ways. But connect your Crock Pot? Is that really necessary? One of the benefits of slow cooking is that if you’re a little late, it won’t burn. This, of course, is your choice, but even as a writer who does marketing, I just think it’s techie for the sake of being techie.

Up to you, of course.

There is also a blog, a spot for replacement parts, customer support (US based) and a page where you can order food just for your Crock Pot all ready to drop in. Call me whatever you like, but is it that difficult to cut up some stuff and throw it in? I’ve seen them once or twice in stores, but you can order them online. Up to you.

My first, and favorite book for slow cooking is The Everyday Low Carb Slow Cooker Cookbook, which I bought when it was new. (The GER wasn’t sure what to make of that, but that’s OK–I still confuse him to this day.)  Another one I have but only recently rediscovered is Dana Carpender’s 200 Low Carb Slow Cooker Recipes from 2005. That’s where the next recipe comes from. (I also have her book 15-Minute Low Carb Recipes, which I also need to go back and look at sometime.)

If you’ve never used a slow cooker before, or you need a refresher, let me tell you the basic rules:

  1. You put the food in
  2. You put the lid on
  3. You plug it in
  4. Turn it on
  5. Leave it alone

Got it? One other thing–make sure that when you put the lid on, it is covered and there are no “escape holes” for heat to leak out. You could come home to dry, tough food you weren’t expecting. I’ve done it, that’s why I say that.

When you go to clean the stoneware, make sure it’s cooled, or you use hot water to wash/soak it with–or you’ll be getting on the Crock Pot website and ordering a replacement.

Last night I went on Pinterest and typed in “Crock Pot Hacks.” I actually started another board to save them. One tip that I found was to line the crock with foil makes it easier to clean and helps everything cook evenly. However, I found a list of tips here that you might find interesting. One pin involved wrapping potatoes–sweet or russet–in foil and baking them in the slow cooker, but dry. Another one involved some wire and stuff, turning it into a sous-vide machine. I’m not posting it here because I do NOT want any of my readers getting shocked because it looked easy to do. (I’m thinking about you, GER, ’cause I know you’ll try it.)  But if you’re interested in finding new recipes, or other stuff you can do with a Crock Pot, check out Pinterest for more. Just start searching–you never know what you’ll find, and it’s not like Facebook at all.

Last night on Facebook I saw a short video titled “Shredding chicken like a boss!” It was a video of someone with a hand mixer shredding chicken that was obviously cooked in the Crock Pot–it was still hot. (Looked like chicken breasts, in a big Crock Pot.) The cook used the hand mixer on low speed, and the chicken was shredded in no time! It may be on YouTube as well.

Now–dessert time. How about some chocolate custard made in the Crock Pot? (That’s one of the recipes on the new page.)  It takes just a few ingredients and couldn’t be simpler.

First, heat up some almond milk and chocolate:

Almond milk and chocolate heated in a double-boiler

Almond milk and chocolate heated in a double-boiler

When it looks like that, whisk in your sweetener (I used 3/4 cup of SomerSweet, but the recipe calls for 2/3 cup Splenda, which you know I won’t use.)

The original recipe called for some kind of low-carb milk called Carb Countdown. I’ve never seen it, but the same amount of almond milk worked just fine. I don’t know if coconut, rice or other alternative milks will work, but if you want to try it, go for it. I just can’t guarantee anything.

Next, grease or spray a 6-cup glass casserole dish, and pour the cream in:

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I used a bit of olive oil, that’s why you see the globules on top. No big deal.

Then add the chocolate mixture, then the eggs individually:

One of six eggs, beaten one at a time.

One of six eggs, beaten one at a time.

Carefully put the casserole dish into the slow cooker, pour water around it, up to 1″ of the top rim. DO NOT get water into the custard, please.

Now cook it!

Now cook it!

Cover the slow cooker and cook it on low for 4 hours.

What you get later looks like this, but it’s not ready to eat yet.

Too hot to eat!

Too hot to eat!

You take the lid off and let it cool. When it’s not burning hot anymore, carefully remove it from the crock, cover it, and when it’s cool enough to refrigerate, well, do so. Once it’s nice and cool, this is what you slice and serve:

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NOW it’s ready to eat.

It’s rich, fudgy and substantial. Made in advance, it’s a nice option for a dinner party, or for a single woman to enjoy all week by herself. Hey–it’s my kitchen, I’ll enjoy a sugar-free, low-carb chocolate thing anytime I want.

Incidentally, the second time I made this, I topped a slice with some bought-on-sale raspberries and a light dusting of SomerSweet. Yum.

So, it didn't come out of the dish just right. I'm not FoodBabe, either.

So, it didn’t come out of the dish just right. I’m not FoodBabe, either.

A printable PDF copy of this recipe is available on the new recipe page, so you can try it today if you like.

With summer pretty much here in the south, and coming everywhere else, a Crock Pot is going to be a good thing to have around. There are so many models available in various price ranges that it’s a good investment for cooks everywhere.

There are hundreds of books on slow cooking; I just listed two that I have. But with all the cooking websites available, it’s easy to find and keep recipes you like and either stash them in your DropBox, save them to your hard drive or print them and save them in a notebook. I found two e-books last night on Pinterest–one Paleo and one gluten-free that I’ll be reviewing soon.

College students in dorms also might want to think about Crock Pots, too–and learn to use it before they go to school in the fall. Might that be a good gift idea for a graduating senior? Just a thought.

And really–now that the long, cold winter is done, you want to get outside again, right? Let dinner cook itself. It’s easy to do, and couldn’t be simpler. Follow simple directions and you’ll have some tasty food waiting for you on your schedule. (You almost can’t burn it–that should make the “I can’t cook” crowd happy!)

Have you got a favorite thing you use the Crock Pot for? Post it in the comments (nice, please), so we can all try it! (If I do, I’ll post a review later.)

Whatever you cook in it, get that slow cooker out and start using it again. After a few times, you’ll be glad you did.

Enjoy!

 

 

 

Muffins and Meatloaf

Hello, Dear Readers:

Now that we’re all over the holidays again, time to get back to some “regular” cooking. For some of you, that will mean “light” cooking, some will just be cutting out the wheat, dairy, red meat, or whatever. In my case, as I mentioned last time, I’m back doing yeast free because I’ve got a bug in my gut. Again. Got more Yeast Control, and started taking it last Friday with some nausea, so I guess it’s killing off the little buggers

I’ve written about the yeast-free diet before and Candida albicans. If you are experiencing gastric things like heartburn, gas, bloating, and other embarassing symptoms, consider reading more and get rid of the yeast overgrowth. It’s an infection, like any other kind, it’s just not visible. NOTE: I’m not a doctor, nurse, medical person or scientist–just a patient who reads and pays attention. The Green Willow Tree still sells Yeast Control, and even though the price went up $4, it’s still relatively inexpensive. Especially when you consider how much not treating will cost you.

Oh, BTW–the garden will be revamped real soon. However, I bought some green onions recently to make sure I had enough for a recipe I was making, and planted the white rooted stems. Guess what? Five out of the six are growing:

The little stubs. They're growing!

The little stubs. They’re growing!

Plant the bottoms,and they grow. The rest of them have been growing for five years. I chop them and use them whenever I want to, and I don’t buy them unless, like that instance, I wanted to have the right amount.

So. . .

Are you still on your obligatory New Year’s diet? Or have you fallen off the wagon already? Most people do by the second week. It’s fine, til you get HUNGRY. Or someone brings delicious food into the office.

If you’re trying to cut down on meat, or calories, or whatever’s new and popular in dieting, you may be considering going vegetarian/vegan. Many meat substitutes are made with soy and other ingredients humans should not be ingesting. However, over the weekend, I found this little item, called Neat, in HEB and thought I should pass it along:

Neat, a soy-free substitute for meat.

Neat, a soy-free substitute for meat.

I haven’t tried it yet, just looked. This is what’s in it:

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I’ll do some more investigative reporting and get back to you. Warning: if you are allergic to nuts, keep going–there are indeed tree nuts in this mix. YUM. . .

So I’m back on doing whatever I need to during the week, and housekeeping stuff mostly on the weekends. I belong to a number of groups on Facebook, many for writing and some for cooking. Neighbor K told me about Low Carb Among Friends, the group headed by George Stella. If you don’t remember that name, he had a low-carb cooking show on The Food Network; some of his recipes are still on FoodNetwork.com, if you search. Low carb faded away, except for die-hards like myself. I bought his first book, and I knew he had one more book available, but I never looked for any more. They’re all available, either as Kindle books or paperback. One day I’ll go look them up and maybe get the paperbacks.

Why not just get the Kindle version? Because. . .I found a great recipe on Facebook and couldn’t find it again, darnit! But after quite a lot of searching and re-posting it to my wall, I’ve got it for you at this link. (Scroll down past the article to find it.) Gluten free, using almond flour, and sugar free using Somersweet:

Two main ingredients

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And a few berries, meaning I can’t make them right now because that makes it not yeast-free, darnit–but they’re good. You start out with some berries, which, in my case were blackberries on sale:

Big, juicy blackberries!

Big, juicy blackberries!

Just cut them to the same size as blueberries and raspberries:

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The recipe is supposed to make 12, but I ended up with a few more. After you grease the muffin tin, start beating the eggs:

Eggs. . .

My favorite little hand mixer

And then add in some other stuff to make a batter:

Was that the blueberry batch?

That may have been the blueberry batch

Bake them, and let them cool:

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Don’t do this, BTW–you want to use the same size muffin tins for extras. Otherwise, if you forget like I did, they cook too fast and burn a little. . . .

And you have some delicious, fruity, gluten-free muffins for breakfast or anytime you want something sweet.

Yum. . .

Yum. . .

Simple as using a mix, and a lot healthier. (The actual recipe is below.) Except that I can’t have butter for a while, darnit. I’ll live.

Now for something completely different.

Quick question for you: Do you like meatloaf?

Lots of people are divided on the subject, much like cats (people either love them or hate them, but very little in between.)  My mother made it occasionally, but I can’t say it was particularly memorable. Then again, with 4 kids, meals don’t tend to be memorable, they tend to be as fast as you can. Meatloaf didn’t happen often, and honestly, it wasn’t one of my favorite meals until recently.

You know how I like to find meat on sale? Well, frequently ground beef is marked down for quick sale. One day I realized I had a lot of it and figured I needed to do something WITH it. . .hence meatloaf.

Additionally, I’ve developed a liking for meatloaf sandwiches, complete with mayo and other stuff, but I didn’t bake any bread this week. Didn’t feel like it this week.

Here’s the problem: in a loaf pan, they take FOREVER. One day I figured out how to bake it in about 30 minutes. But I digress. . .I’m getting ahead of the story.

See, meatloaf just needs some flavorings and a binder. You just dump them into a bowl, mix them up and bake them. Easy, right? Most standard meatloaf recipes call for bread crumbs. Not in my kitchen! If I do have bread crumbs, it’s from gluten-free bread, and I’ve usually eaten them anyway.

So what do you do, Miss Food Blogger?

Longtime low-carb devotees will tell you some Parmesan cheese will work well. And it does. . .long as you’ve not given up dairy. A couple of things I’ve tried have been ground chia seeds (not much!) and this past week, about 1/8 cup of coconut flour in place of the breadcrumbs. I still used beaten eggs as a binder, but somehow without the flour component, it can fall apart. The coconut flour worked great, and no crumbly meat loaf. I’m thinking that’s a keeper.

Since I’m also a devotee of the Tex-Mex, I started tossing in a can or two of chiles. Yes, THOSE canned chiles. I get the mild ones so that they don’t burn me, but if you like it hotter, by all means, get the spicier ones, or even the canned chiles in adobo sauce. (That’s hot!)

Another “essential” in most meatloaf recipes is the presence of something I used to like but now avoid: ketchup. Unless you make it yourself, and I have, ketchup can be as much as 25% sugar–usually in the form of the evil high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). A few years ago, I found a store-bought ketchup brand with “100% pure sugar.” But. . .it’s still sugar, so I don’t mess with it. (That was for the weekend boyfriend who didn’t give a fig about any healthy stuff.)

So what did you do, Miss Food Blogger?

The simple and inexpensive solution was to simply use tomato paste. A whole can. No kidding, per pound of meat, one 6-ounce can of any kind of tomato paste, so long as it’s not flavored with stuff. I can’t find the picture, but I actually did buy tomato paste once with some kind of “Italian seasoning” in it, only to discover later that it had sugar in it, and quite a lot of it. Back to Kroger I went for a can of the correct type.

As I’ve said before–if I’m eating cake, chocolate, or something else confectionary, I know I’m probably eating sugar. But if I don’t know it’s in my tomato paste, or something else where you wouldn’t expect it, I get testy about that.

If you’re diabetic, or otherwise sensitive, you get it.

So here’s the set up:

Basics for the HeatCageKitchen meatloaf

Basics for the HeatCageKitchen meatloaf

Two tablespoons of chili powder and one tablespoon of cumin and coriander, and mix it all together with some garden onions and 1/8 cup of coconut flour:

The dry ingredients first

The dry ingredients first

And two pounds of meat, two beaten eggs, some garlic, and maybe some salt:

Getting there. . . .

Getting there. . . .

Stash it in the pan, bake at 350 for about 35 minutes, but keep an eye on it.

Now here’s the difference:

The flat meat loaf!

The flat meat loaf!

Yes, it’s FLAT. That’s the pan that goes into the toaster oven (it actually came with it) and after I line it with parchment paper, I pat down that mixture and bake it.

I know, this one split. . .I can’t find the picture of this week’s meatloaf, darnit. This week’s got a little over-done, but didn’t split. I think this is the one I used ground chia seeds in.

The pan is actually 12″ square, and is the broiler drip pan for the toaster oven. It can be used individually as a baking sheet, and can be purchased separately. Because I’ve used it so often as a baking sheet, I wore off the finish and now use parchment or foil for that. (It’s not stainless steel, I think it’s aluminum or something.)

If you don’t have a countertop oven, you can use a regular baking sheet and spread it out to whatever size you want it.

The key here is FLAT. And it takes less time than the loaf pan–a lot less.

However you make your meatloaf, there’s a chance flat might work for you.

So, that’s what’s up here, whilst my writer friends up north are digging through snow and ice and camping in until the state of emergency is lifted. One of those writer friends is in North Salem, MA–she just posted a picture showing snow that’s nearly 6 feet. Poor thing is from San Diego. . .and I am jealous. We don’t get snow in Houston very often, and it sure don’t look like a Hallmark card!

Here’s one of her pictures, if you’re in the South and don’t know what it looks like:

Snow from my friend Robbin in North Salem.

Snow from my friend Robbin in North Salem.

If you’re in the middle of all that, please take care, stay warm, and don’t go out unless you have to.

I’m in shorts and a T-shirt, and have been on my patio for a few days now. But that’s not every day, because Friday it’ll be cold again, and I’ll be back in front of the fireplace this weekend.

Stay warm, if you’re up north, and please be careful. If you’re in a baking mood, and you’re snowed in, now’s the time to bake, folks.

And if you’re of a mind, here’s my favorite yeast-free hot chocolate recipe, good anytime, even if you’re not yeast free.

Enjoy, wherever you are!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

George Stella’s Berry Muffins

Prep Time 15 min / Cook Time 25 min / Serves 12

SHOPPING LIST
Nonstick cooking spray
4 large eggs
2 cups almond flour
¾ cup sugar substitute
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons baking powder
1⁄8 teaspoon salt
¼ cup blueberries
1⁄3 cup raspberries

  1. Place oven rack in the center position and preheat to 375°. Grease a 12-cup muffin pan with nonstick cooking spray.
  2. In a large bowl, beat eggs until frothy. Add the almond flour, sugar substitute, vanilla extract, baking powder, and salt, and mix well, creating a batter.
  3. Gently fold the berries into the batter and fill each of the greased muffin cups 2⁄3 of the way full.
  4. Bake 20–25 minutes, until the tops of the muffins turn a light golden brown and a toothpick stuck into the center of one comes out mostly clean. Let cool 10 minutes be-fore serving.

NOTE: The recipe states that strawberries should not be used because of their high water content.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year!!

Good evening, Dear Readers:

Did you have a great holiday period? Even good? Did you eat some good food? Great food? Of course I did! But I hope everyone enjoyed everything, even if you’re groaning about it now. It was delicious, but we move on to better eating and exercise, at least for a while.

The big holiday is over, and now everyone is trying to figure out how the heck to get back into their clothes that are suddenly tight. Well, you’ve got options: yoga, walking/running, weight training, Pilates, take your pick.

I am in pain. My feet hurt, my elbows hurt, my shoulder hurts, my back hurts, and yes, my butt hurts. For the last two weeks I have been doing what most people call “spring cleaning.” I figured that nobody was doing anything in the corporate world (including marketing departments) so I took the two week holiday period and cleaned the closets, my desk, all of it. The process of cleaning started because Neighbor K was worried about all the fabric and the possibility of another mouse in ‘da house. Well, all the fabric scraps are now sealed into huge Ziploc bags, patterns all went into huge plastic containers with click-to-seal tops, and then. . .the closets needed cleaning. The bathroom needed a cleaning and re-arranging. The kitchen, with the exception of the pantry, also got a once-over. Then the desk area, including the filing cabinet. The living room, the bedroom, and then finally, carpet cleaning. I also had to clean dog and cat hair from the carpet cleaner, since Neighbor K uses it occasionally and buys the soap for us to use. (That’s nice of her!)

I made five trips to the Salvation Army on NASA Road 1, the last one being today. After the third trip, just for fun, I did a bit of shopping and found a fabulous pair of knee-high boots with heels on them that actually FIT. My calves are large from years of walking and driving a 5-speed manual transmission, so most knee-high boots don’t fit me, much less with jeans on. They were not expensive, either, and look like they were never worn. The no-slip rubber soles make them safe. A dose of shoe polish made them look fantastic. I’m going to town tomorrow, and I think I’ll wear them with that new Guy Larouche jacket I finally finished New Year’s Eve.

Finally--3 years later!!

Finally–3 years later!!

Yes, it’s supposed to look like that. Check out the pattern if you don’t believe me.

It’ll be cold enough.

I also went to Half Price Books twice, returned an old cell phone to Verizon for recycling, and put out several extra bags of trash, including two huge bags of shredding. I can’t believe I still had old stuff that should have been discarded and/or shredded a long time ago, but I keep finding stuff to get rid of. Friend of the blog ND has also been going through boxes that she hasn’t looked through in years. She said it was the track of her life, then realized that if she didn’t make it home one day, her family would find all that stuff. I reminded her that if there’s anything she doesn’t want anyone to find, now is the time to get rid of it–while she still can!

So now the whole HeatCageKitchen headquarters is neat and organized for 2015. Soon I’ll be working in the garden, which, surprisingly, is now free of weeds since my August experiment with non-toxic weed killer. I just noticed it the other day–a little grass, but NO WEEDS. Hot DAWG!!

I have a confession: I did indeed make the biscotti I blogged about right before Christmas. I got up Christmas morning and made them first, carefully dipping them into the chocolate and carefully sprinkling on some French grey sea salt just like in the picture.

I told you I made some.

The exalted biscotti

Guess what? They were AWFUL! No joke–they were OK before the chocolate dip, but once I finished them off, yuck. They just did NOT entertain my palette. So, my apologies. I had planned to give some to Neighbor K, but that idea tanked quick. I ate them, but mostly to get rid of them. K says they are awful because they are gluten free. Oh, well.

On a recent trip to a local go-to grocery, I saw this sign:

Seriously?

Seriously?

Please explain to me how bananas are “no gas.” Bananas are high in starch/sugar, which is the best way to get gas. A bit like “cancer cures smoking,” isn’t it? But I’m sure a number of folks believed that one, considering what store it was in.

So, let’s start with Christmas lunch, which I enjoyed by myself while the all-day Doctor Who marathon was on. The recipe was Gingery-Hot Duck Salad from Nigella Lawson’s book Nigella Bites. It was partly exotic and partly to use up this duck I bought months and months ago and has been bouncing around in my freezer until I figured out what to do with it. Quack:

IMG_1622[1]

Yes, from American raised duckies.

The instructions on the duck breast call for scoring the fat, so I did as I was told:

It's about the size of a chicken breast, really.

It’s about the size of a chicken breast, really.

And put that baby in a fry pan, skin side down:

IMG_1627[1]

Now it gets interesting, doesn’t it?

While that’s going on, you get on with the salad part. You can find the link to the recipe here, but I will tell you that the American version of the book calls for “one small red chili, finely chopped.” Well, I couldn’t seem to find me a red chile, so this is what I ended up with:

The infamous Scotch bonnet, which is one of the hottest peppers available.

The infamous Scotch bonnet, which is one of the hottest peppers available.

Chop that baby up good:

I even used a knife like Nigella uses! (But that's not one from her collection.)

I even used a knife like Nigella uses! (But that’s not one from her collection.)

Here’s a tip: after handling hot peppers, don’t touch your eyes for any reason. If you do. . .get an eyedropper with milk, and use it. No kidding. If you’re not alone, get help–an eyedropper full of any kind of dairy milk, and drop it in your affected eyes. How do I know this? I had to look it up on a mobile device while my eyes were burning. I did it once with contacts in my eyes, too–and saved the contacts, thank heavens.

Well, anyway. . .you get on with the dressing and the salad part:

Salad!! My favorite!!

Salad!! My favorite!!

The pepper is well chopped, so it’s distributed into the citrus-based dressing. I actually bought some Thai fish sauce just for this recipe; it’s not expensive, and I found it in HEB so I didn’t have to go to Hong Kong Market. Woo hoo!

Duck is not like chicken. Blander, with a slightly gamey taste. I’ve long wanted to cook duck for Christmas, and a whole one was a bit on the high side for me. No matter, I’ll do it one day–just not in a Suzy Homemaker oven.

No, I didn’t get any more Suzy Homemaker appliances, but I look at them every day. I bid on an absolutely pristine Super Grill last weekend but didn’t win it. RATS! Sold for $20 plus shipping. Next time. . . .

I asked Neighbor K if she’d like to have some Christmas lunch, but she declined. (The GER was also invited and declined, he wasn’t feeling terribly festive. Then again, he rarely is without beer.)

So what was for Christmas dinner?

That will be the next blog post, possibly tomorrow. But I’ll leave you with a preview, one of the finished Cafe Gelatins I made just because I wanted it again. Sugar-free and delicious, but a LOT of trouble. I’ll tell you about it next time, too. Take a look:

IMG_1639[1]

I don’t have the fancy $130 per stem wine glasses Martha Stewart used for the photo shoot. Mine are $9.50 a dozen from IKEA. But no matter, they worked just as well. I did offer Neighbor K one, and she accepted. She ate it a day or so later, and texted me that it was “excellente, chica!” Something like that. In other words, she loved it. Me too. Neighbor R was gone for a week, so I sorta finished them off before she got back. YUMMMmm. . . .

I did talk to my sainted aunt a day or so after Christmas, and tried to describe this to her over the phone. She has no computer, so emailing a picture is not an option. She said, “well, I have some sugar-free Jello I can make!” No. . . as I’ve said before, I don’t *DO* Jello. But Auntie doesn’t read this blog, either.

Oh, and dinner was also roast chicken, but not just any chicken. But you’ll have to wait for the next blog to hear all about the Cafe Gelatin and the roast chicken.

Happy New Year!

Chocolate, Meyer Lemons and Sweet Potatoes

Good Evening, Dear Readers:

This post, and maybe your evening supper, is a bit like the title. Some things tossed together. I hope you enjoy it.

For my gluten-free folks: I just received an email today from thyroid advocate Mary Shomon about something called the FODMAP diet. Kind of hard to explain, so here’s the link if you’re interested. It looks to mean high-sugar/carb content foods,but I can’t say I understand all of it from a quick read. For anyone reading that’s interested, I am passing along info.

Two topics are on chocolate, so I’ll start with the first one: Lindt. You probably heard about the incident in Sydney, Australia in a Lindt cafe yesterday: the terrorist went down and two hero hostages didn’t make it out. The company is offering full support for the people affected; I’m sure that includes medical assistance. Awfully nice of them. There is a worldwide call to support Lindt (#buyLindt and #supportLindtchocolate) by buying something they make, i.e., one of those delicious balls of chocolate at the register in my fabric stores. I know, fabric stores. . .but despite everything going on around here, I’m ready to head out for a couple of Lindt dark chocolate truffles with the deliciously soft insides. Maybe tomorrow, but I will. I am also thankful that my wonderful Aussie friends live in Melbourne, some distance away from where this happened.

Please say a prayer for Sydney as the city puts itself back together, buries its heroes and heals from this horrific incident. Much like Boston, it will take time to sort out what happened.

The second topic is a different chocolate company here in the US, and I occasionally drop in their shop in Baybrook Mall when I have to go in there. See’s Candies is a company in the US with some locations in Asia that is more of what you’d call a “chocolate boutique” (my term.) I always thought they were a Texas company, or even a Houston company, but no, they’re headquartered in Carson, California.

Last week I headed to Baybrook Mall for some fact-finding. Because I was slowly becoming claustrophobic, I stopped in See’s for one of their Sugar Free Dark Chocolate Bars, which are pretty darn good. In the store, they’re also sold individually, so it’s not a problem to pop over and get one on the way out. (There is also a Godiva store next to Starbucks, but I’m not going in there.)

Sorry, I forgot the picture until it was gone.

Sorry, I forgot the picture until it was gone.

See’s is white and shiny on the inside, like an old-fashioned candy shop, but of course, it’s mostly chocolate. I don’t go to the mall very often, especially this time of the year, unless I have to. But every time I’ve been there, I’ve been happily greeted by this nice man, even if I’m not feeling nice:

The very nice Malcolm, who always greets me with that smile when I go in there.

The very nice Malcolm, who always greets me with that smile when I go in there.

Note: I was NOT rude to him, I just mentioned that I wasn’t in a good mood, and apologized for being a grouch. By the time I left Sees, I felt better. Please do not be rude to Malcolm, either!! He’s very friendly, doesn’t bite.

I’ve seen him several times, so I know he’s been there a while–which is more than I can say for Staples! (They’re nice too.)  Malcolm always tells me about the delicious new things they have, whether or not they are sugar-free. I can vouch for them all being delicious, even if I don’t know what they are. . .because I’m too busy listening to him tell me about what’s new.

I happened to mention to last week that I write a food blog sometimes, and, DUH–how about a blurb about See’s? I didn’t say I was the best food blogger. . .but Malcolm did mention that he’s also been to culinary school.

So now I know he’s smart, too. But I never doubted it. Once he starts telling you about what See’s has, you know he knows his stuff and isn’t “just working there.”

If you’re in Baybrook Mall sometime, stop in and see Malcolm and his very nice coworkers and see what they’ve got in the way of truffles, candy bars, and if you’re so inclined, sugar free chocolate. Whether for gifts or for yourself, Malcolm will make sure you are not disappointed.

Did I mention that chocolate is the Food of the Gods? I thought I should. . . .

Now, longtime readers of this humble blog are familiar with my attempts at gardening. I’ve had some successes, but I haven’t yet been able to grow enough to make a significant dent in my grocery bill. I’ve had a couple of small bell peppers, three Anaheim chili peppers, and four Meyer Lemons. The lime tree had flowers on it when I bought it, but no fruit this year. Then again, that Meyer lemon plant is about two years old.

The GER told me “you might get one or two from it.” HA! I got four. Take that! I need to ask him how the pineapple plant is doing. . . .

Well, the day finally came where they were ripe and I had to pick them. So what the heck was I going to do with them? Look no further than picture-based social media site Pinterest, where I found this delicious recipe for a gluten free cake made with almond flour and. . .FOUR Meyer lemons.

YESSSS!!!!

Now, the only “objectionable” thing in the recipe is sugar. . .so, naturally, I went with Somersweet, and it worked beautifully. Honest, it’s a little time consuming, but otherwise pretty simple.

First, you boil the lemons, no kidding:

I know--it's weird to boil lemons, isn't it?

I know–it’s weird to boil lemons, isn’t it?

When it cools, you cut them open to get the seeds out:

IMG_1472[1]

I cut them into pieces on that plate while they were still hot so they’d cool faster. (That one’s a Corelle, so it’s hard to hurt.)  When they cooled, I got the seeds out, which may be planted in the spring and make more lemon trees:

More lemons!!

More lemons!!

Next up, the secret–the food processor!

Meyer Lemon Mush!

Meyer Lemon Mush!

You puree the entire lemon–yes, peel and all–until it’s nice and smooth. Separately, the eggs and sugar/Somersweet get combined.

With my Suzy Homemaker, I mean, Suzanne Somers electric blender.

With my Suzy Homemaker, I mean, Suzanne Somers electric blender.

Then add this:

IMG_1474[1]

Next you mix in the almond meal, lemon puree and baking powder to make the batter.

IMG_1481[1]

Pour every bit of this into a greased 9″ springform pan and bake it for 50-60 minutes, or until the obligatory cake tester comes out clean:

IMG_1482[1]

Now, while that’s going on, clean up a little, and then get on with the icing–I used the fourth lemon, which was half-zested, and juiced it.

IMG_1490[1]

Look! It came out of its shell!

One thing I will tell you is that Meyer lemons, while bigger and slightly sweeter than regular lemons, are NOT edible as is. I tried it. Ended up with this much juice.

IMG_1491[1]

With 3 tablespoons of soft butter and 1.5 cups of confectioner’s sugar, or in my case, SomerSweet, you beat that all together and get this thick, stiff, tart, sweet icing that tops that sweet, nutty cake perfectly.

IMG_1492[1]

No, it’s not something you’d get in a fancy bakery, but you know what? It’s a rustic, homey, delicious cake that will really make you happy. Gluten free, and if you’re so inclined, sugar free.

Yeah. Take a bit outta that.

Yeah. Take a bite outta that.

Neighbor K and Neighbor R have both given two thumbs up to the slice I gave them, so I know it’s good–and neither one cared that it was healthy, either. Try it soon, (even with regular grocery store lemons) and you’ll be happy you did. This cake is good about anytime you want something different, and it’s not chocolate.

Many thanks to fellow blogger Sue over at The View From Great Island for this wonderful cake. It’ll happen again. . .because I have more pureed Meyer lemon in the freezer!!

Now for something REALLY different. . . .dinner.

I was flipping through Nigella Kitchen on Sunday, thinking about what to do with something that’s been in my freezer for a while, and I found an unusual recipe I’d never noticed before. You know I just HAD to try it! Keep reading. . . .

Over the weekend I had the occasion to drive into town. I had no idea that the stretch of freeway was under construction and was closed, I had a fun time taking detours and getting lost. I got where I needed to go, eventually, but on the way home, I stopped at Trader Joe’s for a few things. I took two pictures of what I needed from Trader Joe’s, (paperless grocery lists!) missing only olive oil. I was told by one of the workers that it had not yet been unloaded, and was still sitting on a ship in the Houston Ship Channel.

Oh, well. At least I’m not out.

This recipe is on page 340, and is called Sweet Potato Supper. First thing that caught my eye was “sweet potato.” (The complete recipe is at the bottom of this post.)

Take a look at the picture in the book:

Sweet Potato Supper

Sweet Potato Supper

Well, I needed asparagus and thyme, but was unable to find the cold-pressed canola oil, so darnit, I just used some olive oil. And instead of “smoked lardons” (you try finding them in Houston, OK?) or the 16 slices of bacon, I used. . .bacon. Because lardons are bits of pork fat anyway, darnit.

Why bacon ends? Because they're CHEAP!

Why bacon ends? Because they’re CHEAP.

And because I didn’t notice the half-cup measure of smoked lardons, I just used the entire packet of the bacon ends and pieces:

IMG_1501[1]

Because, ladies and gentlemen, there IS no such thing as “too much bacon.” At least, not here. But maybe next time I’ll try half the packet.

Scrub, but don’t peel, two sweet potatoes:

IMG_1502[1]Drop most of the bacon, six unpeeled garlic cloves and washed, trimmed asparagus on top:

IMG_1504[1]

I lined the pan with parchment paper first, made cleanup real easy.

Toss some fresh thyme (or one teaspoon dried) on top. Like this stuff:

IMG_1503[1]

The rest will be used to make more of my favorite dry BBQ rub.

This pan goes into a 425 degree oven; naturally, in the HeatCageKitchen, it was the toaster oven. The broiler pan for the toaster oven was perfect for this (without the top grill part, of course.)  Roast for 30 minutes, flip the sweet potatoes, then roast for another 30 minutes. . .and this is what comes out:

This is SOOO good!!

This is very delicious. Trust me.

 

I chopped the sweet potato smaller than Nigella recommends, but I didn’t turn them right at 30 minutes like I should have, so they overcooked on the bottom. No matter. Nigella also recommends mango chili sauce, but I didn’t think to look for it in Trader Joe’s. I think I have some Tabasco Habernero, which has mango in it to tame the heat. . .but I forgot about it. I also forgot to use the lettuce leaves under this, as suggested.

Who cares.

This is SOOO good. . .you will not believe it. I texted Neighbor K, who had gone out for the weekend with her girlfriends, and told her how good it was. I offered her the other half, but she was still full from the morning, so she declined. That means I had it again the next day for lunch!  Maybe next time.

This recipe serves two, but could easily be doubled for four people. It does take an hour to cook, but that frees you to do other things, like make an easy dessert you don’t have to bake.

Seriously, this is amazingly delicious. Want something different for dinner this week? Give this a try. You won’t be sorry.

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sweet Potato Supper, from Nigella Kitchen. (Serves 2)

  • 2 sweet potatoes or yams (washed and dried, but not peeled) cut into quarters
  • 8 ounces (1/2 cup) smoked lardons, cubed pancetta, or 16 slices smoked bacon, snipped (or bacon ends)
  • 8 ounces asparagus tips
  • 6 cloves garlic, unpeeled
  • a few sprigs fresh thyme, or 1 teaspoon dried thyme
  • 3 tablespoons cold-pressed canola oil (or olive oil)
  • salt to taste
  • Salad leaves, to serve (optional)
  • Chili sauce, to serve (optional)
  1. Preheat the oven to 425, and get out the roasting pan for all the ingredients.
  2. Arrange the sweet potato chunks in the pan and then drop in most of the lardons/bacon, followed by the asparagus tips and garlic cloves, and finally, the remaining lardons/bacon.
  3. Sprinkle with the thyme, pour the oil over, then bake in the oven for 30 minutes, before turning the sweet potatoes over and bake for another 30 minutes.
  4. Let everything cool a bit, then divide between 2 plates on top of salad leaves (if desired) and sprinkling with some salt or chili sauce as desired.

 

 

 

Amy's Birthday Extraordinaire (or, How I Got Sick Quick)

Hello, Dear Readers:

Well, my continued apologies for being so darn late. I was going to write, then postponed a couple of times, then. . .I got sick. And as I explained in my last blog post, I said goodbye to my third kitty cat in 3.5 years. Not feeling up to much of anything; sometimes the words don’t come.

I still can’t believe she’s buried in the cold ground.

Me and the GER are still grieving for Jezebel the step-kitty, and now it’s his turn to get sick. He was self-medicating with Nyquil, but he must be feeling better, because his last email discussed beer. . . .

Me, I haven’t been sleeping well, so I’ve missed some walking with Neighbor K. I’m still walking, but haven’t been at the same time as K. She’s been very nice about it. I’m going to try again tomorrow for the 4 am wake-up call.

Thanksgiving was. . .solitary. That was unexpected, but since the GER got sick, it was just me.  Well. . .I made some gluten-free bread over the weekend for turkey sandwiches. The seven-inch gluten-free apple pie was mine, all three pieces (not at once.) The cranberry sauce is gone, but I need to find a different sweetener than Somersweet; let’s just say I was stuck at home for a while.

Last night I made a turkey sandwich from last week’s Herb Roasted Turkey Breast, just like the one I made last year:

Turkey. Sammich.

Turkey. Sammich.

I made this baby with some of the Just Mayo I have in the fridge. Obviously I don’t use it very often. (Those are flax seeds, which give the bread a bit more crunch.)

Also included for dinner was last year’s Green Bean Gremolata, plus some quinoa. I had intended to make some sweet potatoes, but that didn’t happen. It was OK.

Now onto our featured subject matters.

If you’re interested, here’s a nice article on Trader Joe’s. I actually have one of those big blue hot/cold bags on the left of that rack; it’s huge, works great, and it’s $6. A related company (somehow) is Aldi, which I’ve not written about much, because, quite frankly, I’m not a fan. A small produce section, a little meat, a few housewares, and about 80% of the floor space is dedicated to flour-based mixes and other processed foods. Looks like a convenience store food pantry to me, and every time I go in there, I wonder why. The first and second time, I had a coupon. The third and forth, I was looking for something or other and was disappointed. So, unless you buy lots of boxed biscuit and waffle mix, bagged snacks and other junk food, well, Aldi may not be for you. Your choice, of course.

Right before Halloween, I found this:

One way to get brains. . . .

One way to get–or give–some brains. . . .

I didn’t buy them, but darn, that’s cute! If I had children around, you bet I’d be grabbing two of them.

Now, for those of you who have not been following this humble blog since its inception two years ago, my birthday was Sunday, October 26th. (Can you believe I’ve been food blogging for two years? Thanks, Akinnyi!) Now, last year it was a Saturday, and I also had a weekly paycheck. Not now, so I limited the spending. However. . . .

I started out (when I finally got up) with a Grand Slam from Denny’s:

Oh, yes. . . .

Oh, yes. . . .

They also asked for proof this time, which I was happy to provide. I was reading Backwoods Home magazine at the time, and there’s that cute kitty picture to the lower right. Awww. . . .

Like last year, I subbed a couple of ingredients to have it gluten free, so it cost a little, but I gave the waitress a bigger tip. She brought the cut fruit first, so I nibbled on that before the plate came.

Next up was Starbucks for my free coffee, which was downgraded to a Skinny Hazelnut Latte instead of the caloric Hazelnut Macchiato. I also headed to Sephora, which, if you’re registered, offers a little gift on your birthday; this year it was a nice shade of lipstick, which I may try to buy more of at some point, with some mascara. Last year they had something for men which I donated to the GER; he loved it.

I made some gluten-free pizza like I did last year, and instead of a cake, I made cupcakes. . .but they’re not my best work, so no pictures. I did, however, on Saturday venture into Nothing Bundt Cakes for one of their gluten-free offerings:
IMG_1227[1]

While there is promise in this bag, I can promise it’s nothing like the one from Frost Bake Shoppe in The Woodlands.

IMG_1228[1]

What’s up with the spider icing?

Chocolate Chip Cookie is the only gluten-free they offer, but that’s OK. That was the first flavor I had when I went to Frost the first time–and with a lot more icing.

Chocolate Chip Cookie cake.

Chocolate Chip Cookie cake.

Nothing Bundt Cakes has stores popping up all over the place, so if you’re interested, I give it a big. . .meh. (There is actually one next door to Trader Joe’s in The Woodlands, across the street from Frost Bake Shoppe. No kidding.) Seriously, it wasn’t bad, it was just. . .OK.  If you’re dying for something sweet and that’s the only place besides a convenience store, go for it. Otherwise, I’ll wait. I’m guessing it’s the replacement for the cupcake craze, but that hasn’t subsided yet.

Somewhere between Denny’s and Baybrook Mall, then home, I received another present: streptococcus bacteria. That’s right, I got strep throat on my birthday. I didn’t know about it until Tuesday, either. Monday I was REALLY tired and bowed out of a morning walk with Neighbor K, but figured I’d just stayed up too late or something. That’s all it is, right? I decided that Tuesday would not be the same–I walked with K, then headed to Starbucks for two fingers of regular in the big decaf. It worked! What a productive day! Then the GER had some fish, so I drove down to his place to get it, and on the way home, fatigue set in again. When I finally got in and shut my door, not long afterwards the “ring of fire” in the back of my throat happened, all at once.

Owwww. . .I was sick.

Makes sense, right? With a 24-48 hour incubation period, and I had full-blown strep. On Wednesday, I headed to the Redi-Clinic in Friendswood for a positive strep test and another round of amoxicillin, which I finished taking the following Friday. That evening, after starting the amoxicillin, my temp was running 101.2. Is this any way for a grown woman to get sick?

Count your blessings, ladies and gentlemen: My brother’s mother-in-law passed away a week before. The day he returned from up north, our uncle passed away suddenly after some medical difficulties at 74 (which isn’t really “old” anymore.) I stitched up some handmade things to send my aunt, (our mother’s sister), his widow, with a sympathy card, but haven’t heard back from her yet.

Later that night, I logged into Facebook to gripe about the strep, and one of my copywriter friends posted about one of her clients whose wife had a really bad kind of cancer and was given a week to live.

If that wasn’t bad enough. . .my walking partner, Neighbor K, was doing some housework and was standing on a broken pub-height chair. I think you can guess what came next. She’s going to be fine, but was injured enough to where she couldn’t get up and walk in the mornings with me, and was home from work for a few days.

K sent me a text message while in traffic asking me to take the Daft Pug out for a walk and feed him. No problem there, but when she told me more, I gave her the lecture about standing on a chair! Wal-Mart has stepladders for $15 (or they used to but they’re cheap.) Heck, she could have borrowed mine! But I make myself available if she needs something. We picked up her car from the urgent care clinic the next day.

I very quickly stopped griping about strep throat, OK? I’ll take the strep, thanks very much. Takes a week to get rid of for good, and I’m needed elsewhere.

Now, despite all that, my birthday was made a lot happier due to the actions of friend of the blog AK, who took me seriously when I posted this silly thing on my FB wall on September 29th:

Dear Santa:

The holidays are coming and I’ve been very, very good. Check with the HPD, they’ll vouch for me. No tickets, accidents, or assault charges again this year. 🙂

I would like to ask for the Suzy Homemaker washing machine and dishwasher, both of which are now on eBay. They work, just like they’re supposed to. I promise I will take good care of them and use them happily. I can wait on the stove, since there are frequently a number of them available.

But if someone gets them before you or your elves are able to bid and win, I’d be happy to have the Super Grill or the stand mixer in working condition. Please note that as happy as I would be with the Super Grill, I can’t cook a whole turkey with it.

Also, would you please bring Jezebel a nicer attitude. She’s getting pushy around dinnertime, especially when I’m eating. I can’t make a cup of coffee without her meowing in the kitchen.

Also, please let me know what gluten-free treat you’d like me to bake for you this year so I can leave whole bunch in a basket by the fireplace. The cat won’t touch them, honest. Let me know if they need to be sugar free as well. I can make some lovely gluten-free vegan raspberry scones that nobody ever turns down. I promise they won’t taste like baked flour balls, unlike other baked items you’ve had.

Thank you, Santa.

Sincerely,

Amy

Along with it was the listing for this Suzy Homemaker washing machine, which I posted with the “letter.” I was just messing around. . . .

AK is an awfully nice person, and knows that I’ve had a difficult year. So, without telling me, she bought it and had it shipped to me, arriving a week before my birthday.

Here it is, no kidding, mine, all mine:

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