Happy New Year, Dear Readers!

Did Santa bring you everything you wanted? Yes? Good–that means he liked the cookies. No? You were a little too naughty last year. Change that, and learn to bake. Me, well, Santa knows I can bake, so he’s always nice to me, no matter how naughty.

Did you ask Santa for a waffle maker? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

Of course, in Houston, it was 80F Christmas Day. I turned on the AC. Good thing I didn’t need the big oven. Because nothing says “Christmas” like ice cold watermelon chunks. It was roast chicken, sweet potatoes and yeast-free brownies this year. Nothing special.

At the last minute, I decided not to bake a pan of Nicole’s gluten-free Cranberry Bliss Bars. I did manage to get one of them at Starbucks, though. . .maybe another time. At least I know I can bake them for my birthday or another time if I really want them, right?

If you’re thinking about a new diet this year (and who isn’t?) this article in The Times of India discusses new diet trends for 2016. And. . .I think I’ll pass. I don’t care if it does make me “out of step,” I am NOT eating seaweed and bugs unless I’m in an emergency situation, or on a TV show like Survivor. I’ll stick with “last year’s fashion,” low-carb, somewhat paleo, wheat free, gluten-free and as close to natural as I can get with the occasional chocolate bit thrown in.

If you like Tex-Mex, your new year diet can be the Taco Cleanse. OK, honestly, it’s kind of tongue-in-cheek, but it’s a book of vegan taco recipes, including tortillas, which may contain flour, corn and other high-carb stuff. Blonde celebrity Jennifer Aniston is all over this book, so you know it’s a winner, right? Yes, it’s a real thing, and comments like these make me actually want to buy the book for the sheer humor involved:

Many people don’t know that pictures of tacos can also be detoxifying to your body. From the moment I got this book I could instantly feel the leftover organic dinosaur kale in my body start to be pushed out to make room for tacos. The taco cleanse isn’t just a diet, it’s a way of life. If you have a dream board, put a picture of a taco on it, order this book, make a taco, and revel in a fulfilled dream.

Diet humor in a cookbook. Who’d-a thunk it?

Don’t forget about the yeast-free diet. Dr. Hotze’s people are doing Yeast Free With Me again this year. I may have to do yeast-free again soon (goodbye whole milk in coffee!) But I’ve written about it before, so if you want to try yeast free, you’ve got plenty of information available.

I did, on Christmas Eve, go to Academy Sports & Outdoors and found a kettlebell with a DVD by GoFit. I got the 15-pound model, and while I’ve only watched the DVD, I have been slinging it around using different routines I find on Pinterest to get used to using it. No bikini yet, and it hasn’t been every single day, but I did start my first workout with it on Christmas Eve–by walking around Academy looking for socks and other things I needed for 20 minutes. By the time I got to the register, I was panting, so that was my first “workout” with it. I did start slinging it around on Christmas Day, and have been using it most days ever since. I’ve seen a bit of muscle definition, and a couple of new little muscles showing. I was so sore I couldn’t move after my first set of Goblet Squats, but I’m getting used to the different muscles being activated. When I get better at it, I’ll start using the DVD.

The next big merchandising holiday is, of course, Valentine’s Day. I have seen Valentine’s Day things in Wal-Mart and one of the fabric stores (I think it was JoAnn’s on Bay Area.) Both stores were setting out V-D stock while the holiday decorations were being sold. Weird.

And if you are a New Orlenian (expat or living at home), you’ll notice king cakes coming out. Bakeries in Houston produce them, but they’re more like coffee cakes decorated in green, gold and purple, with the plastic baby not baked in the cake, as it should be, but taped to the cake board. WHAT?? (Liability issues.)  Well, anyway, the ones here are not as good as the ones in New Orleans, sorry. And the mix stuff you get in Cost Plus World Market may be passable, but it’s not the real thing.

It’s Mardi Gras Time!

But bakeries like Randazzo’s and Haydel’s will ship them to you nationwide, all year long, no kidding. (Cream-cheese filled with blueberry or strawberry filling is a personal favorite, but I haven’t had any in many years.)

This post is about another New Orleans favorite that seems to have evaporated. But more on that later.

Speaking of Valentine’s Day. . .OK, remember a couple of years ago when Twinkies came back, and there was a lot of speculation about what the new owners were going to do with the Hostess line of treats? They’ve brought back the original Twinkies and treats, but have also added to the repertoire, partly thanks to their newly streamlined manufacturing practices.

A couple of months ago, there was Pumpkin Spice Twinkies. Well, they’re at it again–now Hostess has two new limited edition flavors for Valentine’s Day. Ladies and gentlemen, those who know me recognize that I believe the ultimate dessert combo is chocolate with raspberry. Well, I’m in big trouble:

I am sunk if I find these. Gluten-free doesn’t even figure in here.

Yes, that’s right–dark chocolate and raspberry. Amy’s ultimate dessert combination. Here’s a close up:

I really don’t like pink but how am I going to keep my paws off these?

And they’re dolled up to show the one you love. . .your love. Raspberry not your thing? There’s also chocolate and strawberry, which may also need to be sampled in the HeatCageKitchen:

If the chocolate raspberry wasn’t enough to get your blood sugar spiking.

I first had the chocolate and raspberry combo sometime in the early 90’s in the form of flavored coffee. I think that’s when I discovered Orleans Coffee Exchange, which was in the French Quarter at the time. One of these days, I’m going to order more of their delicious decaf flavored coffees, including Chocolate Raspberry, of course. (If I win the PowerBall this week, I’ll order 5 pounds of each.)  Naturally, not everyone sees it that way–I made the mistake of giving my parents a pound of Chocolate Raspberry coffee for Christmas one year, and I never heard the end of it. My dad complained for months: “It took three days to get that taste out of the pot!” Obviously, I never did that again.

But if your one and only (or one of a few) brings you some of these limited-edition sweet things, you KNOW it’s for real. (Let’s hope the GER doesn’t get a wild idea and drop some of these off at my door.)

Oh, and I received the February issue of Martha Stewart Living last week. Guess what? Six chocolate cake recipes for V-D, one gluten-free, and one. . .chocolate raspberry cake. No kidding. That one may be made soon for testing.

Anyway, you can read more about the new limited edition Hostess Cupcakes here on Delish.com. (Try not to drool on your keyboard.)

Now, remember the fury that surrounded the Twinkie’s absence and return? People selling them on eBay for hundreds of dollars, just a couple of months before they came back? New Orlenians have been subjected to a similar torment, but this one has lasted a lot longer than a few months. There aren’t any pies on eBay, but if you type in “Hubig Pie” in the search box, it shows two pictures for sale and a beaded necklace with a number of New Orleans food icons on it.

If you’ve ever visited New Orleans, you likely saw (and maybe tasted) a Hubig’s Pie. They were sold at convenience stores all over the metro NOLA area, and they were just. . .always there.

Just like this. (Source: WVUE New Orleans)

I had a few when I was a kid, but knowing they were, shall we say, “not a health food,” kept me from eating one too often (not to mention frequently not having an extra 60 or so cents to spare for one–how long has that been?) I preferred chocolate, apple, cherry, and occasionally lemon, peach or pineapple. Really, it was whatever was available at the convenience store you were visiting at the time.

Yum. Is that chocolate?

They also offered seasonal flavors like coconut, sweet potato (no thanks), and at one time also made and sold whole pies. But like a lot of things, Hubig’s Pies are what locals will call “real New Orleans.” They just are. They’re just there.

An original Hubig Pie. (Source: Facebook)

Until one day, they weren’t.

A lot of people don’t know that the pie company actually started in Fort Worth, Texas, in 1922 by a man named Simon Hubig, a WWI vet who emigrated from Spain to the US. Yeup–Texas. (Source: Wikipedia.) There were actually nine locations, and the New Orleans location was the only one to stay open during the Great Depression, since it was the only profitable bakery of the lot. It stayed in the original location until. . . .

The sign in front of the original bakery on Dauphine Street.

The filled, fold-over pies were fried, then coated with a glaze that made the crust a little extra sweet and gave it a light crunch when you bit into it. There were a number of flavors, including apple, cherry, lemon, peach, chocolate (with a curd-style filling), pineapple, and a few others. They were a part of the landscape, like a view of the Lakefront.

And if you snickered when you read  “the Lakefront,” I know you’re from New Orleans. (Please keep those details to yourself.) Anyway, this is what emerged when you opened the waxy wrapper:

The perfect Hubig’s Pie. (Source: WVUE New Orleans website)

First, Hurricane Katrina knocked them out in 2005. From Wikipedia:

When the city of New Orleans was struck by Hurricane Katrina in August 2005, the bakery’s ventilation system, an exterior wall, and the roof were damaged. Production of Hubig’s pies was halted and did not start again until more than four months later, January 4, 2006, after the neighborhood had clean water, reliable electricity, and sufficient gas pressure. Hubig’s pies increased slightly in cost after the storm, and the variety of flavors offered changed. About 30,000 hand-sized pies were made a day to be delivered on the next day.

And New Orleans was happy again. Until July 27, 2012, in the early morning hours, when a fire completely destroyed the factory.

Source: WVUE New Orleans website

And, to date, Hubig’s Pies are no more. A new location has been acquired, but. . .that’s it. Nothing more. And New Orlenians are sad. Twinkies? PFFT–Hubig’s Pies are more important.

What’s happened since then? Well. . .not much. Hubig’s Pies are still a mystery, and a memory.

They say they will rebuild. They keep saying it, too. In October of 2012, the owners met with Mayor Mitch Landrieu, and posted it on Facebook:

Hubig’s Owners with the Mayor. (Source: Hubig’s Facebook page)

The owners have settled on a new place, and received approval from the New Orleans City Council, but there have been. . .delays.

There are two “official” Facebook pages for Hubig’s. Neither have been updated in well over 2 years. I’ve attempted to contact the owners of both pages, to no avail. Nobody responded to my private messages. (Not like I’m Hoda Kotb, though.) The company’s website is a blank page as well.

A recent article in The New Orleans Advocate quoted the last factory manager, Drew Ramsey, as saying he “has no good answer” for when the pies will be made again. They have no idea, despite the new location they found, because they just can’t get all the gears together yet.

I asked an unnamed friend of this blog if he’d heard anything–he hears stuff and knows people, you see–and he has a friend of a friend who knows stuff about the Hubig’s folks. What he’s heard through the grapevine is that the Hubig’s team is now looking for the manufacturing equipment they need to get the pies rolling again, but are having difficulty finding exactly what they need. That, too, is understandable, since it will likely be custom-built equipment for the new facility which hasn’t been built yet. So fans cross their fingers, wish for a Hubig’s, and patiently. . .wait.

Honestly, in my experience, everything takes a lot longer in Louisiana. Always.

Additionally, the article states:

Tangling things further is an ongoing lawsuit filed in late 2012 by Hubig’s against the supplier of its plant’s fire suppression system, alleging that the system failed to protect its facility. While that suit continues, Ramsey said, options to dissolve and reform the brand are off the table.

I hope that if and when they do come back, they don’t mess with anything like the new Hostess folks didn’t. New Orlenians will absolutely HOWL. Guaranteed.

Remember back when the Twinkies went away, and suddenly there were similar products being produced? Recipes and pans were also available to make your own DIY Twinkie-style cakes at home. You know. . .that option is available, too.

Hubig’s Pies are what we now call “hand pies.” I’ve seen them in Martha Stewart Living on occasion, but have not made them myself. According to this article, they’re becoming more of a “thing” nationwide. And you can also find out what restaurants in New Orleans have been making something similar to a Hubig’s, although some are more of a fancier dessert than the absent paper-wrapped confection.

For the DIY crowd, you can easily make your own by getting yourself a pie crimper tool that makes these easy to put together. (This version gives you square hand pies, and for Valentine’s Day, here’s a heart-shaped mini-pie maker.) I have no experience making these. Admittedly, I bought two from my former Avon Lady the last time I had a boyfriend, intending to make either a star-shaped or heart-shaped pie for him. That never happened, he’s gone now, and I eventually gave them to the Salvation Army.

I also found the blog ProbablyBaking and the guy who writes it. He decided to duplicate the Hubig’s Pie (warning: a bit of language) and made apple, lemon, and in a tip to Vietnamese food, Pho. (“Faux Pho?” OK, Dude.) The recipes are also listed, and got blogger and Loyola student Beau Ciolino a write-up in The Times Picayune. (No, I’m not jonesing for the TP to pick up HeatCageKitchen, and sure as heck not waiting for the Houston Chronicle!)

Not interested in DIY? As I detailed in the previous Twinkies post, there are alternatives. I found one this weekend in my local Food Town:

Chocolate? Really? (No, I didn’t.)

From the same company that makes Twinkies duplicates, TastyKake also has similar hand pies.  Apparently they’re baked, not fried, but they are about the same size as a Hubig’s. I don’t see Chocolate on their webpage, so maybe it’s a regional flavor, or leftover from the holidays. But they’re available if you’re really missing the Hubig’s. I know, they’re not the same, but they’re something.

People have indeed been missing Hubig’s Pies pies something awful:

T-shirts, anyone?

And there’s also this bikini if you’re daring enough. Babies have been dressed up as Hubig’s pies, as well as. . .bread:

But it hasn’t happened yet.

The original Hubig’s site on Dauphine Street is slated to become. . .condos. Yes, earlier this year, the former Hubig’s site was approved to become fancy condominium development called Bakers’ Row. Because, after all, in a city with a per-capital income of well under $50K a year (US Census estimates of Orleans Parish median household income at $44,874, and per-capita money income at $26,500) New Orleans needs more half-million dollar condos. Because they’ll be snapped right up and occupied in no time, right?

It’s been done before, with the same result–long-term empty real estate. Developers found that out the hard way after Katrina.

So while fans of the fried confections wait patiently for the bureaucratic red tape to be untangled. . .well, there’s nothing to do but wait, if you really want them back. There are alternatives, as I mentioned, including making your own or finding similar versions.

But If Hubig’s Pies were going on sale first thing tomorrow, I might be tempted to go and find me one, like we did with Blue Bell Ice Cream, but it’s been so long since I had one that I’m not sure I’d be interested. (Note that they’re NOT in any way gluten free, adding to my disinterest.)  They’re sweet, crunchy and filling, like a good pie should be. . .but it’s a New Orleans thing, like king cake.

OK, let me clarify–REAL king cake, the kind they make in New Orleans, not the tri-colored coffee cake you get here in Houston.

And much like the absence of Blue Bell ice cream on Texas this past summer, I feel your pain. If you’re a reader in New Orleans, and you know someone involved, you’re welcome to forward this post to them. Remember, I’m just a little ol’ blogger in Texas, I’m not Food Babe or The Pioneer Woman, but I’m holding up the flag for you, too.

You know what? I’ve written nearly 3,000 words on sugary snack foods. I think I need some insulin! But never fear, I’m thinking about making my next column not only healthy, but easy. Meantime, if you’ve not been waffling anything, you know there are some healthy things you can waffle. If you haven’t tried it yet, go back and read the first and second blog posts on the subject and give it some thought. I did manage to waffle a pizza last week, from the dough I put in the freezer last year, and it came out great after a bit of fiddly rolling.

So, Happy New Year! Let’s make 2016 a better year for food, clean eating, health and wellness, fitness, and all the other things we resolve for this time of year.

Enjoy!